You May Have Heard These...

Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as big as it needs to be?

de-moc-ra-cy (di mok' ra see) n. Three wolves and a sheep voting on what is for dinner.

The world really is not any worse. It is just that the news coverage is so much better.

The company I work for is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but Butt-holes.

Our Government, like diapers, should be changed regularly and often for the same reason.

Today's thought: If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.

Experience is what you get just after you need it.

Q- What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students?
A- Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Life is what happens while you are making other plans.

"Diplomacy: The art of saying 'Nice doggy' until you can find a stick."

Vegetarian: Native American name for a lousy hunter.